The men who turn things around in their marriages aren’t the ones who suddenly take the lead, or who double down on romantic gestures and planned date nights. They’re not the ones who cave in either. And it’s not because they found the perfect therapist. A lot of them tried all of that. What actually changes things is something most men were never shown. They grew up with rules about control, keeping things in, or putting themselves last. And now they’re supposed to be emotionally open, calm in conflict, fluent in connection—with no real map for how to do that. The old rules don’t work. And the new ones are vague, contradictory, or missing. The men who figure it out are doing something different. I’ve spent years studying what that is, and how to teach it.